I like this post from the Facing Autism in New Brunswick blog because Harold L. Doherty makes a candid and loving description of his son, Conor, and raises an interesting point on the use of labels…. And we’re not talking about food or clothes labels here!
How often do you hear things like ‘I’m diabetic’, ’she’s dyslexic’, ‘he’s autistic’… and the list goes on, especially when it comes to learning difficulties?
I bet your answer is likely ‘very often’ and it has become so mainstream to refer to people as being something when really they only have something.
I believe the wild use of labels such as those above has an insidious effect.
They raise a simple condition to an identity status. People don’t just suffer from the condition, the condition becomes part of who they are. You might argue that suffering from any ‘chronic’ condition makes it a part of who you are. I would rather say that while it influences your behaviour, it is obviously not all you are. Moreover, having something or being something are very different at an unconscious level.
Let’s explore this a bit further and play a little game.
First of all, sit back, relax and have some fun.
If you read this blog, it’s likely because someone close to you has autism or maybe something similar in essence.
1. Think of that cherished person.
2. Now, say to yourself ‘he/she is autistic’ and notice what you see, hear and feel.
3. Get up, move about, turn around, sit down.
4. Now, say to yourself ‘he/she has autism’ and notice what you see, hear and feel now.
5. Notice how your experience is different from step 2. How did you perceive the condition and the person differently? Please leave a comment to let me know.
Note: If you have a condition yourself, I would encourage you to go through this little game again using ‘I’m ….’ and ‘I have….’.
Everybody will have different experiences while running this short exploration.
However, here are the main points that most people get out.
Being ’something’ gives the condition a kind of permanence, something you can’t change or improve.
When you have ’something’, you may decide not to have it any more, change it or improve it. So, thinking in terms of having gives you back some power over the condition. It moves you from fate to free will and choice.
And I want to share with you something one of my teachers told me once:
“Whatever you think you are, you’re a lot more than that”
To you Conor.
With love,
Karine
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